July 2012
1 post
Anonymous asked: Lauren, I just found out my fiance is addicted to porn. He has already met with a counselor and we are installing software on our computers to protect him. He is starting a recovery program at church next month as well. I'm incredibly shocked by this and didn't see it coming. I'm really not even sure how I feel. I'm not angry, just hurt and confused. The last thing I want to do...
May 2012
9 posts
3 tags
Caitlin: My parents said that all boys want is sex. I told them that my boyfriend isn’t like that at all! I haven’t talked to him about it, but how do I know who is right? I don’t want to think that’s all my boyfriend wants.
Lauren: I’m sure that your parents have your best interests at heart, but a more accurate statement would have been, “a lot of guys in high school are more interested in sex...
Anonymous asked: Hi Lauren! I recently started started dating this awesome guy from church. He has been separated for a few years but hasn't quite finished his divorce. He's asked me to keep our relationship on the down low for now, while things get resolved. I am afraid things aren't moving fast enough with his divorce and too fast between us. The last couple of day I've been feeling insecure...
Anonymous asked: Hi Lauren. This isn't really a question about sex and love, but something told me that you might be a good person to ask. Lately I've been gripped with this weird fascination with the paranormal, and while it seems harmless enough, I'm becoming more and more frightened (and yes, possibly, aware) of the demonic activity around us. I try to be peaceful & trust in Christ's...
1 tag
Anonymous asked: Over a year ago I dated and fell in love with a guy who isn't a Christian. We only a dated for a short for a couple months but have remained friends since. He recently told me that he still loves me and I still love him too. But after a few days of talking almost constantly, I told him that I couldn't date again. Now I'm heartbroken and I miss him so much. A part of me thinks I made...
Anonymous asked: This isn't actually a question, it's a thank you. A while ago you re-posted my story of masturbation. Since then I have had so many people read and comment on it. I've even found a girl in another country who I email and we encourage each other. So thanks, thanks for giving me the ability to reach these people. Thank you for allowing God to move you and affect change. Sarah L....
I re-launched my primary blog the other day!! I know it’s kind of off topic, but I wanted to share, because I’m pretty excited. :D
http://laurennicolelove.com/blog
http://laurennicolelove.com/blog
http://laurennicolelove.com/blog
Anonymous asked: A year ago me and this guy were near dating, but after a few weeks he told me that we couldn't be together, but he didn't know why. He went so far as to say he saw me as the girl he wanted to marry. We didn't talk for a year, and recently he asked me out while we were on a trip with our church. We had a great time, and we continued to hangout after we got back. We talked a lot about...
boomehryang asked: Hey! I'm going to be leading a co-ed college Bible study this summer (aaaaaaaaaaahhhh! This'll be my first time ever doing something like this, so I'm a little nervous), and have no idea what topics to cover. A friend of mine sent me one of your articles earlier this semester, I've been following everything you write ever since; and, have really come to respect you and your...
1 tag
Anonymous asked: I am getting married in a couple of weeks. The church does not require that I wear sleeves or cover my shoulders, but I have always thought I would. My dress is traditional, floor-length but strapless. They made me a shrug to cover my shoulders, but I really don't like it. My mom, friends, and priest tell me I am being antiquated wanting to cover up. I'm not even sure what the Bible even...
April 2012
1 post
1 tag
Anonymous asked: I understand that you talk mostly about what to do if your boyfriend/husband is watching porn. Do you have any advice if a brother or father is watching porn?
March 2012
10 posts
Anonymous: Hey Lauren, Love your Biblical insight/wisdom. What are your thoughts on plastic surgery? I didn’t think I would every be asking this, but as I’ve aged my thoughts on this subject have changed. I’m considering breast augmentation. I don’t want to look like a porn star… but would like to fix the droop a bit. Thanks! Suz
Lauren: Shoot, girlfriend. I say go...
6 tags
Anonymous: Hi Lauren, I’ve been wondering how to go about a situation with a guy. I was born and raised Christian but I lost my virginity in my late teens. I am now 20 and I want to honor God and both me and the dude, but how can I overcome my feelings of worthlessness? I can’t help but think that a guy that waited for his wife would want a girl that also waited ‘til marriage for...
3 tags
Anonymous: I was wondering if you could give some advice or shine some light on the subject of self mutilation or cutting, I have a friend struggling with this and I’m struggling to know how to help her.
Lauren: This is so hard. :( I’ve had several people in my life who are very close to me struggle on and off with cutting, and it’s so heartbreaking. I asked my friend Shannon to...
Anonymous asked: Hi Lauren, I've read a lot of your answers to questions about dressing modestly and how it isn't a woman's fault for mens lustful looks. I've also read a few Hugo articles. And i do agree with them. But i've also been told by many friends and even by my church that you should always cover up so that you won't even tempt men to do, or think something lustful. Are they...
4 tags
Anonymous: I’m about to get married in a month and I’m a virgin. I am so nervous and really scared about the first time. I am really insecure about my body and I am already awkward and I just get really nervous and have problems NOT having sex. I am terrified that it is going to suck. I just wanted to know if you were nervous too and how you dealt with it. What can I do to stop...
4 tags
Anonymous #1: Hi Lauren, It’s so hard having a best friend that is really beautiful. Boys like her, everyone likes her. I’m so jealous and it affects my relationship with her. What can I do about this? It’s been so many years and the jealousy is not at the least fading. I’m 16 years old and not one guy has ever like me/ever got a boyfriend… And I fear very much that...
Anonymous asked: Lauren, I was wondering how you feel about smoking marijuana. If you aren't addicted to it and it's not leading you to do other drugs, what is wrong with it? It seems natural so I guess I'm just wondering the harm in it.
moonshinedying asked: hey Lauren, I LOVED your post about modesty. the way you explained the subject was exactly how ive always seen it. unfortunately though, i have quite a few friends who ridicule me for wearing bikinis and other "provocative" clothing (ie. skinny jeans). how can i give a short, concise, sound answer when I am accused of the "bikini sin"?
Anonymous asked: Lauren, I'm struggling with masturbation. I only go a few days without it before I fall again. I know in my spirit that it is wrong, but yet I still cave. How do I get over this struggle? Can you recommend some resources?
krislanae asked: I was wondering what your thoughts were on masturbation? My best friend just recently sent me some articles stating that masturbation wasn't inherently sinful since the Bible doesn't say much about it. As long as you weren't using porn or fantasizing while masturbating, they said that it was God's gift to singles as a way to release sexual tension and remain pure until...
February 2012
13 posts
2 tags
Anonymous: The church I go to is driving me nuts! Everyone there does nothing but judge. I try not to judge, but I have my slip-ups as well. A bunch of the people at my church judge me and my family because we don’t live up to their expectations of living in a fancy house and having lots of money. We’re talked about and shunned a lot. Should I just ignore this and pretend like...
4 tags
Anonymous: Thank you for your post on modesty. I’m quite confused, I’ve always been told to never wear bikinis because its ‘wrong’ and will attract lustful eyes and because it is not modest! I’ve also been through the whole spiel on dressing modestly so that our brothers in Christ don’t stumble. I guess my question is mostly what counts as modest/decent and what...
3 tags
2 tags
ANON: If a man is very nice and well-rounded and likes me, even though he does not love Jesus. How do I explain to him why I can’t date him without sounding like a Christian snob?
Lauren: First, I wrote a whole blog post about dating a guy who isn’t a Christian here. If you haven’t read it already, it might be great to skim through (or seriously sit down and study) just to look...
4 tags
I’m launching a video series on answering the question, “I just found out my boyfriend is watching porn?!” The intro is posted on my primary blog. Please watch it first if you’ll be following the series, and *please* consider purchasing the books I recommend as a resource. If you are committed to the relationship, it is crucial that you are committed to healing your heart...
4 tags
Anonymous: My boyfriend is struggling with an addiction to pornography and online gaming, at what point to I forgive when he fails and at what point to I communicate “make or break” boundaries?
Lauren: I have about 12+ of these questions in my inbox so I’ve decided to do a video series over on my primary blog to answer them. You can view the first video I posted today here,...
2 tags
Anonymous: I noticed that you tweeted about marriage counseling. I was wondering what your thoughts on marriage counseling are; as in…. when do you decide to go? How do you make that decision with your spouse? I’ve been in counseling before (not marriage counseling), and it was a great experience, so I don’t doubt that marriage counseling is equally as good. It certainly must be...
4 tags
Anonymous: I’ve always been taught that the biggest deal in a girl’s life is how and who she marries. I go to a small Christian college it seems that everyone is marriage focused. students on campus only seem to talk about finding spouses, many professors push it on their students, and it’s even been the topic of chapels. I want to fall in love and get married but I feel so...
1 tag
Anonymous: My friend has been interested in a mutual friend of ours for a long time. She sees him from time to time at church or at group event, and gets a lot of mixed signals on whether or not he feels the same way. I know we aren’t supposed to “pursue” men, but is it wrong to tell them how you feel without asking for a response? Does that qualify as pursuing and would it push...
2 tags
Anonymous: How does a girl act available to a guy without seeming too forward? If I’m interested in a guy, how do I let him know I’m interested without being too forward? I know (and believe) girls should be the pursued and guys the pursuer, but I don’t know how he’s supposed to know I’m interested, and want to spend more time with him! Is it okay to express myself,...
1 tag
Anonymous: Lauren, I’m 18 years old and never had a boyfriend or even any serious relationships… I hold high standards, but not too high. People think that I am crazy for not getting involved with anyone… When me and my friends hang hang out and get into conversations, they quickly end them because they know I’m in the room and they don’t want to hurt my feelings....
2 tags
Anonymous: One of my friends “secretly” got married to have sex before her wedding day so there wouldn’t be temptation for them. She only told her closest friends and I don’t think her family knows. She and her husband won’t live together until after the ceremony. What are your thoughts on this? I hear this happens often.
Lauren: Huh. Well, I’ve never heard of...
3 tags
Anonymous: My boyfriend has been cheating on me with different women for the last 3 months. It has all been online or texting but still cheating. This is the 3rd time that I have caught him, and every time before he has told me that he still loves me and he wants to prove to me that he will stop, but within the month he is back at it. We are both Christians, and I really do love him, but I...
December 2011
5 posts
1 tag
Anonymous: I read your answer to the last question about God being our first priority and fulfilling the heart wrenching kind of loneliness and it was great! But my question is how exactly do you do that? How do you make that step into saying God is my first priority and knowing all the reasons why He should be, and wanting Him to be, to God really and truly being the first priority?
Lauren:...
1 tag
Anonymous: I am 23 y/o and recently put myself out in the world of online dating. I realize that there are safety and precautionary things that I need to/have done so that I’m not putting myself in any physically/emotionally dangerous places. My whole life I’ve seen online dating as a bad thing… just because I always believed that God would bring in the right man and the right...
4 tags
Anonymous: Lauren, please, I need advice. I am 21 years old and have been talking with a man for 10 years over the internet. He’s married, but we’re in love with each other. I understand God’s view on marriage…but, how do I know that this isn’t in His plan for me? If it is, how do I know if I can truly trust this man to not treat me like his wife and cheat on me?...
3 tags
Anonymous: I am 20 years old and I like this guy who’s 30. Most of my friends don’t think this is a good idea but I’m falling really hard for him. He’s such a nice guy and I’ve never been treated with more respect. I feel so comfortable around him and he makes me so happy. He isn’t a believer though. Should I go for it anyway?
Lauren: Is he everything you...
2 tags
Anonymous: If a guy gave you lingerie before you were even dating what would you think? If the goal was to encourage you to have a better self-image by saying you look hot just rolling out of bed, would it be effective? One of my guy friends thinks its a good idea (to get for the girl he is pursuing) and couldn’t believe that I didn’t.
It was just a really weird conversation that...
November 2011
24 posts
4 tags
Anonymous: I just ended things with a guy, but we are trying to remain friends. I’ve been dealing with severe loneliness the past couple weeks, even though I have amazing friends and people I barely even know have reached out to me. But here is my question, because I feel like I had a sort of ephiphany tonight:
Do you think that God is holding off on blessing my life with a male companion...
3 tags
Anonymous: My college ministry leader said that once a woman marries, she must submit to her husband because her husband takes on the burden of her salvation and when the day of judgement comes, her husband will be the one to answer to God for for not only his sins but his wife’s as well. I was wondering what your opinion on this was? (I think this sounds wrong.)
Lauren: Well, you would be...
2 tags
We Can't Go Home Again by Max Dubinsky →
My husband’s book of short fiction was just published today in iBooks!! He writes stories that will wreck your heart - dealing with relationships, pornography, sex, and the way love really is: difficult. If you have an iPhone, iPad, or a computer with iTunes on it, you can download it for only 99 cents. :)
1 tag
Lessons From A Recovering Porn Addict →
“I felt I was the lone woman on the planet that viewed pornography. At my church they talk often to the men about the harmful effects and evils of pornography, but never to the women…which made me feel even more of a deviant. I began to have this skewed view that it was “normal” for men, but not for women. While it is certainly more prevalent with men, studies show 9 in 10 boys and 1 in 3...
Anonymous asked: Hi Lauren! I don't want to start a debate with you, but I was wondering where you learned birth control pills don't cause abortions? I have read that though the primary purpose of birth control is indeed to prevent conception, if conception does take place, the BC prevents the embryo from attaching to the lining of the uterus, thus causing an abortion. What is your opinion on this?...
markmuldez asked: Hey, I just gotta say, your blog is prolly by far the most solid female blogs i've seen so far! So i'm following you! Keep being a light here sister!
2 tags
Anonymous: I want to know if it is wrong as a Christian woman to masturbate. It’s so hard to decipher what Scripture might say, so I figured I’d get the opinion from an honest, respected thinker. Let me know your thoughts on the issue. Thanks!
Lauren: It’s really important to remember with topics like this that it’s not about right and wrong, or about the rules that the Bible lays out for...
1 tag
Anonymous: Can you offer a Christian perspective on anal sex? OK for married couples? or is all sodomy wrong?
Lauren: I believe that the marriage bed is undefiled, meaning your sexual intimacy/activities with your husband or wife are between you, them, and God alone. I also believe that just because something is permissible does not mean it is beneficial. The Bible doesn’t address anal sex,...
2 tags
Anonymous: What do you think is a good book to read in the Bible that really draws attention to this type of struggle women have? (loneliness)
Lauren: It’s really interesting to me that God rarely addresses “topics” like loneliness, depression, etc. Instead, he addresses the holes in our hearts and fills them with Himself. When you seek God fully, he will naturally fill those...
2 tags
Anonymous: Where do we draw the line between praising and appreciating our men for their good behavior and expecting it? Recently I was out in public and snapped at my boyfriend, asking him to “shut it already.” This isn’t normal behavior for us, but at the end of the day I thought, “What a sweetie, he didn’t make a scene in public even after I was a jerk.” So I...
Anonymous asked: I follow you on Twitter, and saw that you mentioned birth control pills. It made me wonder about the following: Is birth control pills just a 'safer & gentler' way of of abortion? It sounds harsh, I know. But I've been wondering whether the birth control action happens BEFORE or AFTER conception... I think it also depends on what kind of birth control pills one uses. Another...
