ask lauren, etc.

Anonymous: Where do we draw the line between praising and appreciating our men for their good behavior and expecting it? Recently I was out in public and snapped at my boyfriend, asking him to “shut it already.” This isn’t normal behavior for us, but at the end of the day I thought, “What a sweetie, he didn’t make a scene in public even after I was a jerk.” So I thanked him for keeping his cool. Then I thought, “Shouldn’t I expect this respect from the men I’m dating? Isn’t this how men should act?” Thoughts??

Lauren: Well, I know what you’re asking but because of your wording I kind of feel like you’re talking about a little kid and not the man you are dating, haha. :) The point is to date a man that you respect who treats you well and knows how to interact and respond well in healthy relationships. You should “expect” a man to be gracious and respectful, just as you should be gracious and respectful - and you should appreciate it when you have that man! There is no line or balance between expecting and appreciating - it’s just simply a good thing to communicate to your boyfriend how much you appreciate him. 

Also, we all get short sometimes - obviously your boyfriend loves you and gave you grace in not snapping back when you snapped at him, but that’s because he’s a good guy, and not because good guys just “take it.” It’s 50/50 - you forgive his bad days and he forgives yours. THAT’S what you should expect from a good man. And from yourself. :)