Anonymous #1: Hi Lauren, It’s so hard having a best friend that is really beautiful. Boys like her, everyone likes her. I’m so jealous and it affects my relationship with her. What can I do about this? It’s been so many years and the jealousy is not at the least fading. I’m 16 years old and not one guy has ever like me/ever got a boyfriend… And I fear very much that no one would ever like me or be able to put up with me. I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve always been nice and is that not enough?
Anonymous #2: I’m 18 years old and I’ve never been pursued by a guy. I’ve never had a boyfriend, a kiss, anything. I like to pretend that I don’t care, but who wouldn’t? I feel like something is wrong with me; it’s hard not to. How do I deal with this when all of my friends are dating?
Lauren: Sweet girls! I’ve asked my darling friend Shannon to help me answer your questions. You are so loved. Please read her answer below:
Shannon: First of all, I am so sorry your delicate hearts are hurting over this. As humans made in God’s image, we are meant to have relationships with others. Thanks to the Fall though, we’re born with this ache deep inside that we’re constantly trying to fill, and the ache of a woman’s heart is particularly unique. If I could wave a magic wand and give you perspective ten years from now I would, because I know that right now it’s hard to see the long, beautiful life you have ahead you, and all of the people who will walk in and out of it.
Secondly, I want you to find a mirror and stand in front of it. Take a few minutes to look at the young women you are—every curve, every freckle, every color, every pore—and know that every single inch of you was woven together by a Creator who by no means does anything imperfectly. Did you hear that? He made you perfect.
You are neither too much nor not enough, and the man who will one day love you like no other will cherish all of you. And trust me girls, that man is worth waiting for.
Thirdly, believe that God has you exactly where He wants you.
Because while your friends may be experiencing what it’s like to be in a teen relationship, God is saving your heart for something different, something that’s better for you. And for all we know, He is also sparing those sweet hearts of yours from a special kind of pain that relationships can bring at such a young age. He is lacing together a story for you that will forever be yours to own—a story that no one can ever take away from you, and a story that you will be able to use to help someone else one day.
So don’t believe the lies that are making a home in your heart.
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are not something to be “put up with.”
And breathe in deeply the peace that comes with knowing there is a plan for you, far better than any one you could have imagined for yourself.
(Also, check out this blog post by Annie Downs—“A Letter to a Pretty Girl.” We’re not alone in our struggles, girls)