Anonymous: Over a year ago I dated and fell in love with a guy who isn't a Christian. We only a dated for a short for a couple months but have remained friends since. He recently told me that he still loves me and I still love him too. But after a few days of talking almost constantly, I told him that I couldn't date again. Now I'm heartbroken and I miss him so much. A part of me thinks I made the right decision but I'm also very sad and bitter. I want to obey God, but this hurts so much. What should I do?
Lauren: It sounds like you gave it a chance, and made some hard decisions that you knew you needed to make. You should be very proud of yourself for that.
When we invest emotionally in someone, it hurts to remove ourselves from that person - altogether, or even just “less.”
If you have a relationship with Jesus, pursuing a relationship with a man who does not is very dangerous. Not because it’s “wrong” or you are “disobeying God” per se, but because our significant other has the greatest influence out of anyone else in our life. It is crucial that you partner with someone who is running in the same direction as you, and at relatively the same pace. Otherwise, they will alter the direction that Jesus is taking your life, and that is compromising your LIFE. And your life is all you have.
It’s very normal to feel sad, bitter, and heartbroken. In the past, it’s taken me months and months and months to “get over” guys that I’ve dated and thought I’d fallen in love with. This is the human response to leaving someone we care very much for. So be glad that your heart and body are functioning properly, as they should. And give yourself grace, and much care in ‘healing’ your heart.
Surround yourself with people that speak truth about your value, and spend more time than usual reading truth about who Jesus says you are. Focus on what you’re doing with your life, and make some big changes if you feel like it’s the right time! Struggling with heartache can be some of the absolute best time to be creative and create new things in your life. Don’t waste it. And know that you made the right decision, and that this will be worth it.
(Oh, and stop talking to him altogether until your heart is healed. Speaking to him will be like digging at a cut, and if you dig at a cut every day or every week, it will never heal.)
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